I'm sure you've read the blog from Amy Glass that is floating around the internet lately. If you haven't, you're going to have to Google it. I'm not going to post the link on my blog. I don't want to add to her blog numbers, personally, and be responsible for spreading her hate even more. But if you Google her name, she'll be the first one to pop up.
And I felt like she needed to hear from me.
Dear Amy,
Oh sweetie. First of all, I just want to give you a hug. You obviously have a lot of anger inside of you to feel the need to bully others into thinking the way you do. To insult someone else's choices to make yourself feel better. It's sad. I'm sorry that being a stay at home mum is so offensive to you that you need to call me stupid.
I just had a few counterpoints for you though.
The thing that hit me like a tonne of bricks as I read your article was that you stated that being a mom is taking "the path with least resistance." Umm...what? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. First of all, you stated that anyone can get knocked up. Well, thousands of fertility clinics would tell you otherwise. Not everyone can get pregnant. I have a very good friend who tried for 14 years! And when she did get pregnant, she had the worst labour of life followed by 3 + years of pain and torture. Does that sound easy to you? Forget the fact that she has dealt with all this with a young child. Sleepless nights, tantrums, potty training, eating habits. And all this while still putting make up on in the morning and looking pretty put together. We all (the we I'm talking about here are stay at home mums) have to deal with people like you too. Hearing questions like, "So, what are you going to do with your life?" "Are you ever going to get a job?" "What do you do all day?" would never ask one of my working friends questions like, "So, do you even see your kids?" "When are you going to get your laundry done?" "What do you do all day?" Mostly because it's rude and judgemental. And partially because I just don't care. Who cares what choice they have made? I am so proud of my working mom friends, but I'm equally proud of my "lazy" stay at home mom friends. I actually think YOU have the easier life. You don't have a husband or kids to answer to. If you feel like staying out all night, you can sleep in the next day. If you feel like not doing laundry, then it's just you who suffers. If you aren't really hungry at 5 pm, then you just don't eat dinner. What an easy, and lonely, life you lead Miss Glass.
You stated that being a mom is no where near as important as a doctor or an engineer or a business owner. That hurt. What did you base the importance factor on? How much they make? Because, sweetie, I may not be curing cancer, or building bridges, or running a business with many people under me. But my job (and yes, it is a job) is just as important. I'm raising humans to be kind. To think for themselves. To go after their dreams. To become a doctor. Or an engineer. Or a business owner. Or even, gasp, a stay at home mom.
Because even though you don't agree with my choice, it was a choice. I didn't "get knocked up". We tried for a long time to get pregnant. I didn't just wake up one day and realise I was a stay at home mum, we made that choice. You think being a feminist means having a big pay check and going to work out of the home every day and making other women who don't agree with you feel tiny and insignificant.
I think being a feminist is praising women for the choices they make. Even when they are opposite to my choices. I'm not angry at you. I'm sad for you. I'm sad that you think so little of me and my life, because if you knew me? You would know how happy I am. How accomplished I am. How amazing I am.
Because, sweetie, I'm fabulous. Even when I'm doing laundry.
2 comments:
Sarah, you are such an amazing writer! Glad your back in the blogging world.
Great post, I couldn't agree more.
I'm working towards a doctorate and—due to a few overdoses of depressing novels and existential philosophy—have some valid concerns about creating new humans, and even I think Glass's article is absolute bullshit. Feminism is about intersectionality, and supporting the choices that our sisters make because every single one of us is different and every single one of us finds fulfillment and happiness in different ways. I refuse to subscribe to a feminism that supports sex work, wage parity, equality in male-dominated fields, and works against rape culture but can't find room for women who have chosen to have making and raising a family be the central component of what makes their lives wonderful. It's not my bag, but that's the point... it doesn't have to be.
Plus, as long as no one is saying to me, "Stop bitching about the teaching/reading/writing you have to do, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WORK IS UNTIL YOU'RE A MOTHER!!!" I sure as hell am not going to say, "You chose this so don't complain/it's not valid work." That's bullshit. I respect the hell out of your choices.
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